March 29, 2008. The day my partner of 16 years and former fiance told me he no longer loved me.
I was absolutely gutted. I knew there were problems. The difference was that I was prepared to see a counsellor. He didn't see what it would change.
This was the culmination of several months of....not so much arguing as getting on each other's nerves and having regular blow-outs. I've usually been the one to shout. If I'm not happy, I say so. Him? Could be days, weeks, years.
Yes, I regularly said things I shouldn't. I think I was trying to provoke a response.
Anyway, on this day, I blew up at him, furious about his lack of oomph. I had been waiting around for him for hours, for him to perform a simple task, which should have taken minutes. I stormed off, came back later and tried to narrow down what was going on, when he said he'd been thinking about what he loved about me and how. It dawned on him that although he loved me, it wasn't in the same way as before. He was unhappy and it couldn't be depression because he wasn't depressed any more.
I guess I dragged it out of him. Well if you don't love me, you don't want to be with me. Then I guess that means we should split.... Apparently, yes.
This had been brewing for a while. It still shocked me to the core that he didn't want to even try to see if there was anything to save.
He's always had this knack of making things seem my fault. All my fault.
So, since then, we've been sharing the same house and, until recently, getting on rather well, since the complications of being in a relationship were removed.
Yes, we slept together. I needed something and I imagine he did. I didn't ask. New rule for me. Don't analyse, just take it for what it is.
That all came to an end at the beginning of September, 2008.
There were a few occasions in between, when he was unreasonably mean to me. And I let it go. I tried to be understanding.
But this. Unforgivable.
He made arrangements to have a lads' night out on his birthday. He said he thought his birthday was on a Saturday, when it was actually on a Thursday. I set him straight. No, his birthday was on a Thursday and although I hadn't booked anything, I was going to take him out for a meal. Anyway he made arrangements to have a lads' night out on the Thursday and, given they were pencilled in, 'is that going to be a problem?'
What do you think? No, we're not together any more, but we still share the same f'king house. It just made me realise how unimportant I was to him.
He thought we could do something over the weekend, but I had made plans to visit some relatives. I was going to go a day later, so I could fit his birthday in.
I tried to make a compromise and suggested we do lunch on that day or I meet him for a drink after work and he should decide, according to his schedule.
I realised later what a pushover I'd become and the only option was to visit my relatives earlier, on his birthday.
True to form, he didn't make any suggestions until I was about to go out the door. Too late, son.
So I gave him his pressies, wished him a happy birthday and left for the weekend.
Did he really expect me to sit at home, while he caned it with the lads?
Thankfully I found some self respect.
For the record only one person made it to his 'lad's night out'. Serves him right.
It made me realise how I'd let things slide. Yes, invite me for a drink and sleep with me, whenever it suits you. I decided this had to stop.
So, I've a week to go, then I'm going to offer him a wad of cash to move out.